


Devastated

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Series: Feelings [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 20:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: Version 2.0 of this prompt I got on tumblr because I couldn't stop with only one answer. The first version is called "Adorable"SQ prompt: Emma: "I thought you said you didn't have feelings." Regina, through tears: "Yeah, I did. But guess what, I do, I fucking do and it's horrible."





	Devastated

**Author's Note:**

> -Set on: A time-pocket during the whole “let’s use the magic beans to go back to the enchanted forest without consulting our daughter Emma first” thingy back at S2. Canon details are a thing here at best, but I haven’t stick to them too much this time. -

 

Regina turned at the sound of footsteps coming up the clock-tower’s stairs, Emma’s head appearing a few seconds before with curiousness glimmering on her green eyes. Raising her hand to where her phone flashed at the brunette, Emma pointed at the lit screen, a frown already forming on her brow.

“I got your message.”

Halting the continuous pacing she had been doing ever since leaving the fields outskirts of town, Regina didn’t truly let Emma take another step as she closed the distance between them and, shoving her against the nearest wall, kissed her with all her might, fingers treading through the blonde’s jacket before her right hand rose enough to yank off the stupid hat the blonde had started to wear.

Phone thudding against the wooden old floor, Emma’s hands quickly followed hers -grasping, tugging, grazing-, less enthusiastically but with a similar fervor as Regina bit down her bottom lip, a small growl leaving her lips as she felt her magic crackle within her. Magic that still felt strange to her, its taste different in a way that made her shudder before she closed her eyes tightly, the memory of the beans at the side of the fields burning on the back of her eyelids.

The shudder brought Emma back to her, her hands traveling from Regina’s back and ass towards her chest, pushing her back until Regina regrettably complied, her own never leaving Emma’s hair and neck, far too preoccupied.

“Not that I’m not enjoying this.” The blonde said quickly, her voice probing and careful, the green tinted with that same something, that same magic. One that made Regina bite down her lip every time she was alone, the pull Emma Swan hold over her getting stronger with every new meeting they had. “But you told me that you didn’t want to do this… outside your house.”

And it was true, of course it was. The deal had been that, a hushed couple of words and a caress that had made Emma growl before launching at her, hands and teeth caressing Regina’s body in just the way the brunette needed; prophecies and magic and life-threatening problems be damned.

Growling and letting her forehead rest against Emma’s shoulder, Regina felt the awkward pat on her back, one that almost made her smile crookedly if it wasn’t because of the nausea that suddenly overtook her.

 _“Weak.”_ Her mother’s voice echoed strongly on her mind for a moment, enough for her to take a deep, shuddering breath, before pushing herself completely away from Emma. Emma who, dumbfounded, quickly followed her steps with a stumbling one of her own, phone still completely forgotten at their side.

“Something happened.”

It wasn’t quite a question and Regina closed one hand before raising the fist against her forehead, her other hand grasping the material of the blouse she wore. Pressing her lips together, she nodded once, then twice, as she felt again the rise of her magic in quick small spirals inside her chest.

Similar to what she had once thought as being second nature to her but, yet again, slightly different, strange.

“Your idiotic parents want to use a secret stash of magic beans to go back to the Enchanted Forest. All of you.”

The words blurted out of her before she could edit them, before she was really able to choose carefully the tone and pitch for her voice, before she really could build her façade around her like she usually did, and she almost wanted to scream at herself for it. For the need she had had of sending a text to Emma Swan of all people.

She eyed the blonde for a second, wondering how fast she could scramble back, pretend the words had never escaped her mouth. And she knew the other woman wouldn’t let it go. That had been precisely what had made her hate her. What had made her ask her to go to her house after the mine incident and, without a second thought, fuck her against the floor of her bedroom, all hate and heat and misery surrounding her, hoping that if she got her out of her system she would be able to keep on wishing her gone.

And she had been able to manage it of course, more or less. Because she had succeeded on wishing Emma gone and she had almost been able to make it with the apple turnover. And it still had hurt like hell.

She had wondered before if Emma wasn’t some sort of masochist, coming back and back again after that, all green eyes that said too much beyond the clipped sentences she usually managed to get out of her during sex. Truth was, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted an answer for that and when she looked back at Emma’s face after the words had come out she felt tears of anger at herself and at that stupid, idiotic, moronic, Snow White.

“What?”

Emma’s voice was higher now, the sound reverberating above them, the darkened and dust-covered interior of the clock-tower a perfect chamber for her voice to echo. Wincing at that, Regina shrugged just as quickly, her entire body feeling in flames at the quickly swirl her thoughts had started to shape into as she had discovered the un-Charming’s plan.

“You didn’t know.” She surmised and, for a reason she didn’t want to dwell into, she felt something close to relief.

“Obviously not.” Emma’s eyes were now glowing, green fury that made Regina lick her lips for a second before her mind went back to Henry, to the horrible reality of having him gone from her side. Forever. Without the possibility of making things right by him. Even if “right” was an epithet she wasn’t entirely sure what it was anymore. “How… how did you find out?”

“Because I don’t trust them a little bit.” It was only a partial truth, but Regina didn’t want to start on the details, nauseous, angry and terrified as she was. “But I cannot… they cannot do that. I won’t allow it.”

Emma’s fury cooled down a little at that and Regina realized with a pang of shame tinting her cheeks that this was the first time she was truly letting her emotions shown in front of the other woman. At least in a more complex way, without half-side glances and too long silences. Pressing the tip of her tongue against the ridge behind her teeth, she closed her eyes momentarily, her nose clogging with a brief whiff of rushing blood that made her feel almost faint.

“I cannot lose Henry.” She croaked at the end, her voice lowering, and she heard a sigh coming from Emma’s side, one arm carefully touching her forearm before she took another step backwards, effectively managing to free herself from haunting caresses.

Those weren’t in their deal, getting to touch each other like that wasn’t in the rules they had discussed, months ago, and Regina couldn’t… wouldn’t start breaking such rules now. Not after calling Emma while having an emotional breakdown as she tried to decide if her promise of not being bad, of not destroying or killing, was really that good for her as she was about to be casted aside by the same two idiots she had spent many years trying to kill over and over again.

“Or y…” She halted, feeling her skin getting paler on her cheeks as another wave of nausea overthrew her, making her take a few stumbling steps at her side, quickly catching the railing at the top of the stairs, trying to regain her footing.

No, she thought, her lips already sealed but the mental image her mind had momentarily conjured enough for her to glance fearfully at Emma. Emma who, with brows furrowed and her clothes still askew, merely pressed her lips together in something close to a faint resemblance of Regina’s previous face.

“I thought you said you didn’t have feelings.”

It was as close as a direct question for confirmation Emma was ever going to go with and Regina wanted to almost laugh at it, at the stupid and obvious way the blonde tried to make the question less jaded and complicated than it was. Because below the fear it was anger what still sizzled inside Regina’s heart. Anger and hate and a wish to see Snow fail in any way. Because even if she was trying, truly trying, to have Henry back in life, be a better mother for him, old habits die hard. Because she had called Emma, fear clutching that very same heart in a vise-like grip.

And when she spoke again, voice thick and almost impersonal, she heard the tremble beneath the words, just enough for Emma to take that step towards her, her magic spiraling out of her, raising between them, crackling and burning everything on its wake.

"Yeah, I did. But guess what, I do, I fucking do and it's horrible."


End file.
